It is 11:15pm, I just crawled into bed. My head spinning....
Megan notices more and more neurological issues....I try my best to reassure her. I can't help but think, if that was any one of us, what could one possibly say to help ease our fears? I'm here, strong, calm and capable. Am I capable enough to find the right words to calm her fears? I just don't know....
Megan holds herself with such grace and humility. Even if I would say the wrong thing....she is so forgiving. I don't ever want to disappoint any one of my children. I do understand my role is not just to give Megan comfort and love....but to show Emily and Riley how to live through tragedy and get to the other side of it...find happiness again, laugh again. I also know words are not enough....I must lead by example. Our children look to us to be a role model as to how to handle various situations. I don't think surviving the loss of a sister was in the parent handbook that "they" gave me. All of this is a learn as you go sort of deal.
We all grieve differently. I continue to try to find ways to help my kids through this ordeal. Let's not forget....to help them through all the "regular stuff" in a teenager's life. Each child has different needs. So many different hats to wear as a single mom....I am constantly amazed that just when I feel like I'm going to break any second.....I hang on. I remind myself, "Everything always eventually gets done...just not in my time frame." Then, I see hope, looking me straight in the eye....please stay around me a little bit longer this time...
Tomorrow I'll pick up that big dead bird in my back yard... I just couldn't get to it today :)
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